


It's Alright

by bgrrl



Category: The Killing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 16:50:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1096276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bgrrl/pseuds/bgrrl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sarah reflects on the life she's made. Set post Season 3.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Alright

**Author's Note:**

  * For [evewithanapple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/evewithanapple/gifts).



 Linden starts the coffee and sun spills in through the kitchen windows. She opens the refrigerator and rolls her eyes when she realizes they only have almond milk, chocolate almond milk. That's what she gets for letting Holder do the food shopping this week. Leaning against the counter she feels the sun warm on her back, tugs absently at the strings of the grey hoodie. It smells like ginger and citrus organic body wash and Holder. Yeah she still calls him Holder sometimes, even though they aren't cops anymore they're still partners. The coffee starts to drip. She never thought her life would be like this sunshine, and coffee, and Jack in the summer, and Holder.

After everything with Skinner was sorted out she left. She just picked up and went without so much as a goodbye to anyone. Linden knew damn well she was lucky not be in a cell of one sort or another so she did what she knew how to do; she ran. Sarah ran to California. She just wanted to be somewhere where it didn't rain, a place that wouldn't remind her of anything. She got a job as a waitress of all things. A month of mixed up orders, and spilled coffee on the floor and the customers, and she was looking for a new job. One of the regular customers worked at a shelter and he's seen Sarah scare off a john or two, maybe more. He offered Sarah a job. They must have been desperate, because they kept her around even though nobody liked her at first. After a few weeks the kids start talking to her, and nobody slams abusive ex-boyfriends into walls like Linden, so they need her and she stays. It felt better to know she was maybe keeping someone alive, instead of putting their killer in a cage. She drummed her fingers on the counter, this was always the longest five minutes of her day.

Routine suited her, up at seven, shower, coffee at work by nine always. She came home cooked dinner and watched TV or went for a run. It wasn't exciting. It was stable and boring. She liked it. Sometimes she went to the movies. Sometimes she wakes up screaming at night because she has nightmares where all she sees is the pitch black woods, and all she hears is him begging her to do it, and all she can feel is the white heat of pure rage. On those nights she gets dressed and drives to the beach. She listens to the ocean and runs until her legs cramp and she can't breathe. Six months into her new life Holder just shows up.

Sarah came home on a Wednesday and he was sitting on her steps. The wave of guilt is immediate.

“Holder?” She shouldn't have been surprised. He deserved better than to have heard second hand that she was gone. He deserved a goodbye, but she didn't know how to say goodbye, She only knew how to run. She doesn't know what she expected anger, maybe. Anger would have been a reasonable reaction, but instead he just looked at her, and smiled.

“You thought you could hide from me?” He said it like she'd only insulted his ability to find her, not threw away one of the truest friendships she'd ever had. It was forgiveness.

He was right she never could hide from Holder. She didn't tell him that, not then.

“Well you are one hell of a detective.” She felt herself smiling,

“Naw, all I had to do was ask my boy Jack. He dropped a dime on you immediately. Didn't even have to bribe him.”

Linden laughs as she opens the door. Stephen whistles as he looks around her house.

“Linden livin' large.”

She rolls her eyes. “ Are you hungry?” She doesn't wait for an answer before she goes to the kitchen and opens the refrigerator. Holder follows looking over her shoulder.

“Oh shit, you got _real_ food.” He elbows her out of the way to root through the refrigerator. “Are those fresh vegetables?” He turns, closes the refrigerator, grabs her arm.

“Who are you and what have you done with Sarah Linden?”

She doesn't deserve this he should be screaming at her, telling her she let him down, she left him.

The words stick in her throat but she forces them out. “I'm sorry.”

They just stand there in the kitchen staring at each other her words hanging in the air and Sarah doesn't know what else to say. She doesn't see the point of saying anything else. Then Stephen kisses her and this time she kisses him back. This time it isn't about what they've lost, it's about what they've found. Teeth scrape against skin, fingers tangle in hair. Sarah hears one of the kitchen chairs topple over. Holder bangs his knee on the coffee table, it's chaos. They only get as far as the couch. Her fingers trace serenity against his skin.

He whispers “Sarah” and “I miss you.”

She says “Stay.” and he does.

Linden makes space for him in her life the way she couldn't for anyone else. Holder knows her story. Holder fits in the empty, places of her life and she fits in the empty spaces of his. They're something like happy or maybe this is what happy is. Linden isn't sure but she likes it. She likes waking up next to Stephen. She likes buying soy free, gluten free, vegan cookies that go stale, because he always eats the Oreos she buys for herself instead. She likes having someone to come home to, she likes not being alone.

She likes never having to explain why she wakes up screaming. She doesn't have to say the words with him, because he was with her every step of the way. The first time it happened Holder just held her and whispered “It's alright Sara, I got you.” She didn't need to run.

Holder has her and she has him. They have each other.

Some nights he comes home with a look in his eyes and she knows he found a girl and it hasn't been good. On those nights Linden doesn't say a word she just holds him and lets him cry. Holder is one hell of a detective despite what he says. Working privately for families looking for their runaways brings out the best in him. Holder is never happier than when he can get a kid off the street and maybe back home. They may all be different but Linden knows he's saving the same girl every time. The coffee is starting to smell good. Linden hears Holder's footsteps above her. She gets another mug out of the cabinet and takes out the green tea bags.

When she was a kid she never thought she would like anything about her life, but now she likes so many things. She counts them sometimes. She likes the way his hands feel against her skin. She likes the way his lips feel against hers. She likes the way they fit together. She likes, no she loves that even when she is moments away from an amazing orgasm Stephen can still make her laugh. She likes that sometimes the way he looks at her leaves her breathless. She likes mornings like this when Stephen sneaks up behind her and wraps his arm around her. He buries his face in her neck and licks the spot that makes her shudder. She likes these mornings best of all even though she knows she'll have to go to work without breakfast. She'll probably be five minutes late and her shirt will be slightly rumpled. She feels Stephens fingers against her skin and wonders if maybe she'll be late by more than five minutes. She smiles and pretends to ignore him, as his hands slide over her breasts.

“I have to be in at nine,” Sarah misses the feigned annoyance she was going for because Stephen's fingers slide inside her waist band.

“Come on,” he says “I'm a better wake-up than all that caffeine, which you know ain't good for you. It makes your heart race.”

“So do you.”

He laughs and blushes, pulls her close. “That's the good kind of heart palpitations.”

She kisses him “You've got twenty minutes.”

“You know I only need ten.” he says sliding to his knees.

She doesn't get to drink her coffee.

Holder gives her a kiss on the forehead and shoves a tote with some vegan organic healthy lunch in it at her. She might eat it because sometimes Holders meals are pretty good. There's also was a green smoothie inside for her to drink on her way in. Sara smiles at him as she pulls out of the driveway. Her life isn't perfect but it's alright.

 


End file.
